Trouble in Authorsville
by Edfan -Retired
Summary: Sequel to When Double D Loses His Hat. After defeating Plank, the Eds are invited to Authorsville to be honored for their success. But secretly, a great evil will spawn, and the only ones who can stop it are the Eds. Yup, we're all doomed. Multi-X-over!
1. Low Rider in the Musical Limo

**Ey'! Look at me, look at me! I have returned from the dead!**

**Double D: I thought You returned from Writer's Blocksville.**

**That too! So, here's the much wanted sequel to WDDLHH, here it is...**

**HEY! READ THE ORIGINAL: _When Double D Loses His Hat _IF YOU HAVEN'T YET! OR ELSE THIS STORY WILL MAKE LESS SENSE THAN IT ALREADY DOES NOW!**

**Warning: This story will contain very mild violence, pain, people in pain, references to M and T rated games, and explosions. This story is generally not meant to be read by anyone within the year ranges of 0-2, or the year ranges of 60-100. Viewer discretion is advised.**

**Trouble in Authorsville**

**Chapter 1: The Low Rider in the Musical Limo**

Double D proudly walked outside with a backpack on his... back. Today would be the day he and his friends would go to Authorsville to be thanked for their last adventure. This would truly be a wondrous festivity. A few days before the predetermined date of departure, a pigeon came by with a letter that said that they would leave by magical-flying limo. Normally, Double D would be very critical about it, but considering what had happened when he lost his hat, he thought that authors could have easily invented magical flying limos.

Ed crawled out of his window. Ed put on his usual goofy smile and outstretched his arm to grab a sling-backpack that was rotting and smelled like 400,000 year old cheese. He automatically noticed Double D and waved. "Hi Double D!"

"Salutations, Ed." Double D replied. Ed ran towards Double D, accidentally running him over. Upon realizing his mistake, Ed took several steps back, and peeled Double D off the ground like a sticker.

"You have to be more careful Double D. Those sidewalks are beasts!" Ed said.

Double D put a hand on his now hatted-head. "I'll keep that in mind Ed..."

"Why do I smell oranges... AM I HAVING ANEURYSM?" Ed randomly said.

"My word Ed, your vocabulary is increasing dramatically." Double D said.

"Hey boys!" Eddy said, with a blue sling backpack. "Are you ready for the best field trip ever?"

Ed nodded excitedly.

"So, what do you think that Shakespeare fellow is doing?" Double D asked, wanting to pass the time.

"I dunno." Eddy said simply. "Maybe working on a story. Maybe procrastinating that story. Maybe visiting Authorsblocksville."

"OH GOODIE GOODIE!" Ed yelled. "THE LIMO IS COMING! THE LIMO IS COMING!" He noticed a very fancy, very regal, and for some reason, very pink limousine coming towards them. It pulled over, and a man was inside with a bus driver cap on. He appeared to be a muscular 16-year old, with short red hair, and a brown jacket over his green shirt that said "Rock Star" on it. He wore cargo pants and black sneakers.

"Come on in fellas!" He said, beckoning the Eds.

Ed turned into a rocket and launched himself into the Limo, exploding at one corner, but coming out unscathed. Eddy walked inside the limo in a "cool guy's way," while Double D simply walked in like a normal human being (boring).

"Greeting, bus driver," Double D greeted. "My name is-"

"Double D." The bus driver said. "I know. You guys are like legends back at Authorsville, saving everyone and stuff." Suddenly, that teen's cell phone rang. "Hold up. Yeah mom? Yes, I'm on the bus. No, I didn't get hit by it. Kay, love ya too. Bye." He hung up, and continued his conversation. "So take a seat guys! I'll tell ya a little about Authorsville. The name's Anthon."

The Eds took their seats. The door closed and the limo took off.

Anthon smiled. "You know, since we're in this story, I could might as well tell you about Authorsville... in song!" He pulled an accordion out of nowhere, and suddenly a Southern-Rock band burst from the ground. The band started playing, and somehow the teenager was playing AND driving the limo at the same time. And instead of singing like a Southern Rocker which his band would imply, Anthon was rapping.

**You see, Authorsville is a cool little place.  
It doesn't matter what is your race.  
Cause at Authorsville, we don't judge.  
Unless you were this guy named "Pudge."**

**There's a library bigger than your town!  
There's a circus without a clown!  
And during the summer people come around,  
Just to lose those winter pounds.**

**At Authorsville, it doesn't matter  
Who you like or who you flatter  
Or if you're black, or if you're white  
It doesn't matter, just read and write!**

**We got Drama and Poetry,  
We got a statue of Double D,  
We got Horror, where people bleed  
Oh my oh my so much to read!**

**We got Humor and Action too,  
We got stories that involve you,  
We got Spiritual and Sci-Fi  
So go ahead and say it, we know we're fly!**

******At Authorsville, it doesn't matter  
Who you like or who you flatter  
Or if you're black, or if you're white  
It doesn't matter, just read and write!**

******We don't ask for much, just a review  
Of our latest, greatest preview  
Don't ask don't ask, cause I don't know why.  
So give them a review and a vial of dye**

**So go ahead, and sit back in your chair  
I promise you we ain't goin' nowhere!  
So open up a fiction about a guy who's lucky,  
And laugh and cry and sneeze 'bout it like a monkey!**

When the strange boy was done with his song, the Eds clapped for him.

"Great song and everything... but what's this place like?" Eddy said idly.

Anthon walked up to Eddy, and smashed his head with the accordion. Somehow, he never took his foot off the wheel, or eyes off the road. "DID YOU NOT HEAR THE SONG?" He asked derangedly.

"Just like old times, huh Double D?" Ed asked stupidly, refering to Eddy in pain.

Double D nodded with a smile. "It really is like old times..."

**Meanwhile...**

An evil hooded figure smirked. He suddenly raised a hand into the air to use dark magic to summon evil beings to do his bidding.

The first was a heavily scarred man, dressed in Imperial gold armor with twin demon blades.

The second was a short, bald, sickly scientist with a giant head with his brain pusating. He wore a lab coat.

The third was another man, with a fancy mustache and royal armor. He had a single, two-handed blade in his hand.

The fourth one was a very buff Australian. He only wore his short cargo pants and fisherman's hat, and had chest hair in the shape of Australia as well as a mustache.

The final person was a an anthromorphix Triceratops. He wore heavy, metal armor and had a large battle Axe. **[1]**

The five looked around.

"I demand to know why we are here." The scarred man said in a deep voice.

"What kind of sorcery is this?" The mustached swordsman asked.

"All will be answered in time..." The hooded man said with a wicked grin.

**[1]: I will put the first person who figures out who all 5 of those characters are from onto my favorite authors list. Hint: The first is from an MMORPG, the second is from a TD, the third is from an RTS, the fourth is from an FPS, and the fifth is from a Beat 'em Up Game.**

**End of Chapter 1**

**Short, just like the first in the series! :D**


	2. Meet the OCs

**Wow, that was pretty fast wasn't it, huh?**

**Eddy: Yeah, I'm impressed for once.**

**Anthon: Yeah.**

**Aren't you supposed to be driving the limo?**

**Anthon:... OH GOD! *runs away to drive the flying limo***

**Well, enjoy chapter 2 of Trouble in Authorsville!**

**Note: There WILL be minor OCs introduced in the story, but will not play that big of a part in the story, long-term.**

**Chapter 2: Meet the OCs**

"Here we go guys! Here's our stop: Authorsville!" Anthon parked the limo into a parking lot in front of a limo rental building. "Haha! And this time I didn't crash the limo!"

The limo then randomly crashed and exploded violently.

"Darn."

The Eds got out of the limo and looked around. Large buildings surrounded them, similarly to the urban city, only not as... dirty. Wondrous and strange creatures wandered the streets, as well as people.

"Wow... One heckova place!" Eddy said. "Where's Shakespeare's other OCs?"

Anthon got out of the limo himself. "I think I know where they are. Follow me." Anthon lead the way into the strange city.

After passing by several places, mostly restaurants, clothing places, and most of all, libraries.

Double D noticed the pattern. "Mr. Anthon, why are there so many restaurants and clothing places here?"

Anthon laughed. "This is Authorsville. So basically, we only bother with necessities: Cloths, food, and general items. Once those are covered, we just stick to making stories, which get into the libraries."

"But what about other forms of entertainment, such as games and television?"

Anthon laughed. "There's Videogamesville and TVille nearby this town. We import all of our televisions and stuff from those other towns, and they get out fics."

"I see." Double D concluded. "So, it is similar to a trading symbiosis, correct?"

"Uhh... You know, I think this would be a conversation better suited for Tyler." Anthon said, not really interested in the conversation. "Hey, where's the other Eds?"

Eddy randomly held up a "Meet the Eds" scam.

"Get your pictures taken with Ed, savior of all Authorkind! Only 25 cents each!" Eddy said. "Man I missed doing this..."

"Eddy! Stop this instant!" Double D commanded.

People and creatures swarmed up towards Ed and Eddy. Eddy soon became $200 richer.

Several minutes later, Eddy counted his 6 jars of quarters. "For once we actually got something out of this! Cha-CHING!"

An army of pigeons randomly swooped by and stole Eddy's quarters.

"NO! STUPID BIRDS!" Eddy yelled in aggravation. "Sick 'em Ed!"

Ed jumped up super-mega high and grabbed one of the pigeon's tail. The pigeon possessed a lot of strength for some reason, and drop-kicked Ed into a random hotel.

Ed crashed into a random room, where a teenage couple were making out.

The girl noticed and the two pulled away. "You mind?"

"Sorry ma'am." Ed said. He attempted to find a door, but instead decided to bash through a wall. Ed met up with Eddy and the others on the other side. "Hey guys!"

Anthon looked over Ed's head, which wasn't that hard since Anthon was only about a half-inch shorter than Ed. "Leo, Melinda, quit locking lips and introduce yourselves!"

"Those guys from the last story?" Eddy said.

"Yeah, well back then everything was backwards. They're really just a normal couple and we're just normal people, though our lives are quite hectic."

"How hectic?" Double D asked.

"Well..." Anthon's voice trailed off...

**Flashback**

_"When is she coming?" Leo wondered as he waited in front of a merchant's shop. He was next to his brother Ryan, who was basically shorter and a tiny bit chunkier._

_Ryan shrugged. "Does it really matter? We could just go into the place ourselves."_

_"Not without her." Leo said quietly. "Trust me."_

_"Forget it! I'll go in myself!" Ryan said, barging into the shop._

_5 seconds later, Ryan was thrown into the garbage by a beefy security guard and his short employer. "And don't come back unless you get a girlfriend!"_

_"Really? What kind of merchant only offers items to COUPLES?" Ryan yelled, spitting out a rotted apple core. The apple core then EXPLODED, sending Ryan off into the sky like the usual "LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIIIN!" sort of way._

_Melinda finally showed. "Hey Leo." She looked up and saw a twinkle in the sky. "Is that-"_

_"Yes."_

_"Oh, okay then."_

**Flashback End**

"Oh please." Leo said. "That did NOT happen."

Ryan then randomly fell from the sky. "Stupid apple core!" he said in pain.

"... How long ago was that again?" Eddy asked.

"'Bout 3 months." Melinda said casually. Upon realizing who she had just replied to, she added, "And DON'T hit on me again, idiot."

"You flirted with her?" Leo yelled. "I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU!" He suddenly dashed up to Eddy and then kicked him so hard he went back in time. "Next time think TWICE about flirting with women you've never met before!" The boy was obviously a _little _too possessive of his girfriend, although she never did mind it.

Double D just stared, dumb founded. "How... how is that possible?"

"Years of practice." Leo said.

Double D sighed. "Aren't you going to get him back?"

Leo sighed dramatically. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine..." Leo then kicked Double D so hard that he went back in time and got Eddy back.

"I'm in pain now!" Eddy yelled, with a pair of a dinosaur's dentures stuck in his butt.

Anthon grabbed the two Eds by their necks. "Come on! We still haven't gotten to Shakespeare's house! If we keep procrastinating we'll never make it there until 2035! Come on guys!" He beckoned the other four, and they all left together.

Minutes later, they finally got to a large estate, with a regal front yard. "Sweet place, isnt' it?" Anthon said, still holding Double D and Eddy by their necks, turning their faces blue.

"Let's go inside." Ryan said. He walked up to the lock on the gate, then entered a the pass-code. Instead of the gate unlocking, a camouflaged platform under all of them rose, then floated over the gate, and in front of the house. The seven of them got off, and thanked the magical platform.

Double D range the door bell.

"Imma coming!" A familiar voice yelled. Soon, the door opened, revealing a kitten in the costume.

"KITTY!" Ed yelled, grabbing the cat and squeezing it hard. "I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"

The cat then started turning blue. "I... missed... you too... Ed..."

Ed then dropped the cat for no reason. "How are we gonna celebrate?"

The author laughed. "Well, you guys will be staying here at my brilliant estate; though, all the authors have brilliant estates by default. Anyways, you'll be staying here until the day of Eds where the celebration will be city-wide. That'll be within a week, so until then, just hang out, meet some of townsfolk, maybe read something."

Double D nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Kitten."

"You're welcome. Now get inside. I heard that in the forecast there's gonna be a storm in about 10 seconds."

Randomly, storm clouds started gathering. The pre-teens and teens quickly dashed into the house, although Shakespeare stayed at his doorstep. He looked suspiciously at the sky. He heard a very faint evil laughter as he proceeded to enter his house.

**Meanwhile Again...**

The hooded man from before smirked. He stood towards his summoned generals. "First is first: We must invade all of the major cities of this fictional world..."

He pointed to the scarred warrior and his army of constructs of mythical creatures. "You will go to the city of Smashville. Destroy the Smashers. They are more than a small threat..."

The man looked at the green, short scientist and his zombie army. "You will invade the city of Bikini Bottom."

"You," He pointed at the mustached swordsman and his legion of human followers. "Will attack Hogwarts..."

The man then pointed at the buff Australian and his small band of mercenaries. "You must attack the world of Avatar."

"The movie, the show, or the movie about the show?" The Australian asked.

"The 2nd one." The hooded man said dramatically. He then turned to the Triceratops, and his army of other Triceratops warriors and gunmen. "And you will attack the _Cul-De-Sac_."

Then, the generals left to invade their targets. The hooded man snickered evilly. "Today... I will rule the world... I will succeed in what Plank had failed in... And those foolish Eds don't suspect a thing..."

Two things would be wondered: What is this evil man's identity? And why does he say things to himself?

**[1]: I just gave another hint about each Character! That little contest is still going on until Chapter 4, where I reveal the identities of said villains/enslaved good-guys.**

**And so, the generals will go and attack some of the densly populated areas of the fictional world! Who will save the innocent as the onslaught of bad guys attack them all?**

**So anyways, thanks for reading! Bye bye!**


	3. The Quest Begins

**Imma back! And onto the story!**

**Chapter 3: The Quest Begins**

"WOOOOOOOOOH!" Eddy yelled, after drinking a can of some kind of experimental soda with a radioactive warning symbol on it. "THISPLACEISREALLYGREATISN'TGUYS?" he said hyperactivly.

Sarah (Another red-headed OC) who had drank 8 of said sodas, raised an eyebrow. "You might want to lay off the soda for a bit." Strangly, she remained sane.

Everyone was inside the GIANT living room. With a large Flat-screen, a huge couch, several tables for conversing, and some wax fruits on a coffee table, it was definetly a great place to rest and relax.

Ed, Shakespeare, Leo, and Melinda were playing some kind of interactive video game that involved breakdancing, juggling chainsaws, and solving math problems... all at the same time. Anthon, Sarah, and Eddy were enjoying the treats of the house, and Double D was talking with another OC.

"So what is _this _contraption?" Double D asked, beckoning a strange, yet small device made out of household items. It appeared to be a handle of a bike, attached to a miniature satelite, with a video gaming joystick sticking out of the top.

"Well," The teenager responded. He wore a black long-sleeved shirt with a brown short-sleeved T-shirt over it and a pair of cargo pants. He had brown, short hair and a pair of glasses. But the most distinguishing feature of this boy, was his robotic arms, which he had either lost in a tragic accident, or thought that having all-purpose tools for fingers would be AWESOME. "This is a little contraption I call the 'Jammer.' You just point it at an electrical object, pull the joystick back, and it will disable whatever it is you're pointing at."

"Interesting," Double D said. "But, you have yet to see my inventions." Double D pulled out a small computer chip from his pocket, and threw it onto the ground. Suddenly, a teleporter appeared to take them to Double D's house. "We shall return, Mr. Kitten."

"Yeah... sure... whateves... uhh... 64!" Shakespeare replied, getting a math problem right.

Ed started breakdancing, which caused his points to skyrocket. "Everybody dance nao!" He said. He then randomly did the waltz with a guitar (rose in mouth and all). Shakespeare riverdanced (destroying several priceless glass vases in the process), Leo did the robot, and Melinda did cheerleading moves.

"GOTEAMGOTEAMGOTEAM!" Eddy yelled, chugging down another soda.

Shakespeare Kitten solved the last math problem (1 + 1 DID equal window!), and the game finished. "High Score!" He said, placing the chainsaws down. "Who's up for dinna?"

Everyone raised their hands.

"I tried the fruit. It wasn't that bad." Ed admitted.

"They're wax." Melinda replied.

Eddy's eyes widened in surprise. "EVENTHEGRAPS?"

Ignoring said comments, Shakespeare clapped his hands. Soon, 6 butlers came out to greet them. Since Eddy was too busy getting 'stoned' on his soda, he didn't realize that the butlers were Jimmy, Sarah, Kevin, Nazz, Rolf, and Jonny.

Ed stared at them for about 40 seconds before realizing who they were. "HI KEVIN!"

"Shh!" Kevin said, closing Ed's mouth. "I don't want my parents knowing I'm spending my summer here to get extra cash, got it, dork?"

"Buttered Toast." Ed said.

Knowing his secret was in good hands, Kevin let go of Ed's mouth. "So, what exactly is everyone hungry for?"

"Actually," Leo said. "I know this great diner at this place. What was it called... It began with 'Smash'... Smashtown..? Smashcity? Smashitysmashsmasherson? no... Well, anyways, the food's great."

"Nah." Anthon objected. "I heard that a small diner in Bikini Bottom has some good stuff."

SK rolled his eyes. "No way. Never trust anthromorphic sea-creatures; you don't know what they got. Like that weird "ick" stuff. How about that market in the Earth Kingdom?"

"IMUPFORCANDYATTHATWIZARDPLACE." Eddy said. He randomly teleported to hogwarts, leaving everyone behind.

SK turned to Ed. "Can you go after him? Make sure he doesn't kill himself there?"

"SURE THING BOSS!" Ed yelled. He then smashed the floor with his face and teleported after Eddy. He randomly saw Eddy robbing a candy merchant. "STOP! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW, EDDY!"

Eddy ignored the 1 eyebrowed Ed-boy and continued to beat the candy salesman with a wooden spoon. After hitting him 5 times, Eddy grabbed every single jelly bean and ate them all at once.

"NOOOO!" The salesman said derrangedly. "It's extremely dangerous to eat every single one of those jelly bean flavors at once!"

Eddy smiled proudly. "MMM! WATERMELONCHERRYANDSTRAWBERRY!" Then, the horrible flavors kicked in. "AARRRGHH! RAWEGGDIRTWORMS!"

Eddy then robbed another man of his magic wand.

"OI! THEIF!" The man yelled. "I've been robbed! Someone! HALP!"

Harry Potter randomly flew by on his broomstick. "What is it?"

"That there pre-teen stole my wand and then used it to brush his teeth!" the man cried dramatically.

"I'll get your wand back, sir!" Mr. Potter said. He said some kind of words, then shot a fireball at Eddy.

"MYFACE! MYBUTT! MYPANTS! MYHAIR! THEY'REALLONFIRE!" Eddy screamed. He then melted.

Ed sat there on a tree stump, wondering what to do next.

Randomly, about 30 ships crashed into the marketplace. And out of each ship, came out 20 swordsmen, 10 bucaneers, and 1 captain, resulting in a total of 930 warriors surrounding the wizards and Eds.

"We have you surrounded!" The mustached captain said. "Surrender now or face the might of our legion of enforcers!"

Someone randomly then played the organ.

Ed looked around. "I think we gotta go now Eddy." He said. He then grabbed Eddy by his hairs, stole Harry's wand, and used it to teleport back to SK's mansion.

"GUYS!" Ed yelled, only to realize that only the butlers were there, and that most of the building was in shambles.

"They all left." Jonny said, playing tic-tac-toe with another piece of wood. He looked exactly like plank, except his tongue was sticking out. "Have you met Woody?"

"Nice to meet you Woody." Ed said, horribly failing at shaking Woody's hand. "But we have big problem!" He said. "Where did everybody go?

"Well," Rolf started. "The shorter-than-Eddy-chracter boy said something about rubbing the back of Nana."

"Then everyone got into a huge fight, smashing everything inside the mansion." Sarah continued.

Kevin continued the story. "So eventually, the cat and Ryan went to the Earth Kingdom, Anthon and his sister to that place with the anthromorphic sponge who has a really annoying voice, and then everyone else decided to host a barbeque at this place called 'Smashtown.'"

At that very moment, SK, Anthon, Double D, and a magic fedora appeared out of nowhere.

"We got a serious problem!" Anthon yelled. "There's this army of zombies attacking Bikini Bottom led by a huge-brained zombie in a giant robot!"

SK wanted to get his point in as well. "Yeah? Well we have a buff Australian and a bunch of mercenaries dressed in red and blue are blowing everything in the Avatar world into smithereens!"

"If I may interrupt," Double D said. "But the Cul-de-sac is being attacked by an army of futuristic Triceratops with spacesuits and laser pistols. We must stop them at once!"

The magic Fedora felt like butting in. "And the Smash mansion is being attacked by this scarred dude and his army of animated materials! CLANK CLANK SWOOSH!"

"Where'd he come from?" Anthon asked. SK shrugged.

"WAIT!" Ed yelled. "An evil evilness is destroying worlds in all places! We must defend the territories from the legion of Hades!"

"Do we need to put you on some special medication?" SK asked honestly.

Double D sighed in frustration. "Gentlemen, and I use that term lightly, we have a very dire situtation on our hands. Four-"

"Five. The wizard place is getting ka-boomed by pirates!" Ed said.

"Five worlds are in chaos. We need to go and save them." Double D said.

Shakespeare pondered the situation. "Considering whats happening, I think it would be wise if most of us stayed here to defend Authorsville in case of attack."

"YEAAAAAAAAH!" Eddy yelled.

"The Eds will go and save the worlds while we hold down the fort!" Anthon said.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Eddy yelled.

"Alright then," The magic Fedora said. "The Eds should probably save Smashville first. Those Smashers have great power, but the enemies attacking it are much more powerful."

"NO WAI!" Jonny randomly yelled. "They should rescue Bikini Bottom! Those poor fishes are helpless against those zombies!"

"Fine; let the Eds decide! Or better yet, let the READERS decide!" SK said. He randomly turned to the audience. **"We need your help! This great evil is attacking us, but we don't know who to save first? Which place should the Eds rescue first:**

**Hogwarts: World of Harry Potter, being attacked by pirates and militia, led by a mustached captain.**

**Bikini Bottom: World of Spongebob, being attacked by an army of zombies, led by a big-brained zombie in a giant robot.**

**Smashville: World of Super Smash Brothers, being attacked by an army of enchanted constructs, led by a great, twin bladed assassin lord.**

**Earth Kingdom: World of Avatar: The Last Airbender, being attacked by a small gang of elite mercenaries, led by a shirtless, insanely powerful Australian.**

**Cul-De-Sac: World of Ed, Edd n Eddy, being attacked by a group of futuristic Triceratops, led by an axe-wielding gladiator.**

**Go to my profile, and vote who should be saved first from their oppressors!**

**TO (obviously) BE CONTINUED!**


	4. A Smashing Good Time

**Well whaddya know, I'm not dead.**

**Eddy: *stops playing Go Fish with the other Eds* It's about time.**

**Double D: I agree. Can we please proceed with this abomination of a story?**

**... Those are the words that hurt feelings, you know that?**

**Ed: Tic tac toe I win!**

**... onto the "Abomination of a story"!**

**Chapter 4: A Smashing Good Time**

"Wait... We both have the same name, the same hair color, and the same general attitude?" Sarah (the EEnE character) asked.

"Was this all pure coincidence? I think not." Sarah the OC said. "Although, I do actually _respect _my brother instead of beat him to a bloody, messy, red pulp."

"Fair enough. We're not related." The other Sarah replied. **[1]**

Ed randomly walked up to a sleeping kitten. "So, where do we go now?"

No response...

"... OH NO!" Ed yelled. "Kitty isn't moving! KITTY IS DEAD!"

Before anyone could interrogate Ed, he shouted a war cry, then through the sleeping cat onto a concrete floor. On his knees, Ed lifted his fists up into the air. "LIIIIIIVE!" He brought his fists down with all his might...

**SMASH!**

Ed lifted his hands up again. "Raaaahhh!"

**ANOTHER SMASH!**

Ed stared at the kitty. "Nooooo!"

"Wait a sec," Anthon said. He then pulled a tuna fish out of his pocket. He placed it on a grill and started to fry it.

The kitten's eyes shot awake. "Fishy!" He tackled the grill and started eating the fish.

"Well, now that you're awake," Double D began. "Where do we save first?"

Shakespeare Kitten grabbed a shiny wristwatch. He looked into it, and then replied "Smashville."

"Any other details?"

"Nope. HAUL BUTT!" He yelled. Something more vulgar would have been said, had it not been for the K rating of this fiction. "It's too dangerous to go alone. Take this!" SK then gave Eddy a spear, and Double D an urn. "These artifacts will help defeat the harbinger of destruction in Smashville!"

Leo randomly decided to spoil the plot. "I thought those artifacts got destroyed in their original game."

The artifacts then disappeared.

"Darn..." SK muttered. "But don't worry! I have enlisted a powerful monk from a magical far away land to assist you. He claims he fought this dude before, so I do believe he'll help out."

"A punk?" Ed asked dumbly.

"No, a monk."

"A skunk?"

"NO! A monk!"

"The Grandmaster of funk?"

"Ugh..."

"A drunk?"

"Wait... what?"

"I'm hungry."

"ENOUGH!" SK yelled. "Go get your butts over at Smashville, and beat up this dude with twin swords! GO GO GO!" He made a hole in the wall, and it turned into a portal. He grabbed each Ed, and threw them into said hole.

**Smashville. 5 minutes later**

"ここにいくつかの助けが必要です！" Marth yelled out, slicing an enchanted construct in half.

"What'd he just say?" Asked the blond bounty hunter, as she shot a rocket at a construct in the shape of dragon.

Peach shrugged as she used a Star Wand to keep the foes at bay. "I think he said something about potatoes and pregnancy tests."

Marth yelled in aggravation as he was being swarmed by constructs that looked like serpents, dragons, and mystic birds. "この馬鹿！助けてくれ！"

"... Yup, something about potatoes and somebody being pregnant." Captain Falcon realized.

Marth was then carried away by the mystical constructs. "私は馬鹿に囲まれています。" He groaned. **[2]**

Peach, Samus, Captain Falcon, and Kirby were now surrounded by a multitude of mute, powerful constructs. They all armed their swords and staffs, ready to destroy the smashers.

Suddenly, the Eds fell from the sky, landing on several constructs, reducing them to dust.

"MY HEAD!"

The constructs saw the strange warriors who had appeared out of nowhere. So in panic, they all fled. The Smashers exchanged glances as Eddy got up.

"Blockhead. Can't take this guy anywhere without a car battery and gravy being involved..." he mumbled.

Double D arose from the rubble. "Oh come now Eddy. It's not as if he killed you."

Ed sniffed himself. "Yup. Sheldon Jr's still here!"

Captain Falcon rushed up to Eddy and grabbed him by his neck. "Okay, talk! Who in the name of all that is awesome are you?"

Eddy only responded by choking and hacking out inaudible words.

Double D took action. "Please desist choking my friend here."

Captain Falcon reluctantly dropped Eddy, and Kirby walked up to the Eds. "Poyo poy, poyo poy."

"... What?" Eddy asked, after gasping for air.

"Oh oh oh! Pick me!" Ed yelled.

"Okay. What Ed?" Eddy asked in a bored fashion.

Ed pulled a pair of headphones out of his jacket pocket (covered in dirt and grime), and put it on Kirby's head. "Can you say that again, little feller?"

"I said, 'please excuse my foolish bodyguard.'" Kirby said. The strange pair of headphones apparently translated whatever language Kirby spoke into English. "Look, we do not have much time. This man who attacked us and has captured all our friends, and even several people who aren't our friends. This evil person plans to use them in some kind of crazy ritual involving a ham, cheese, a toaster, and several kitchen utensils! Isn't this the most horrible thing you have ever heard of?"

"... So, he's going to force them make him a toasted Ham-and-cheese sandwich?" Double D asked.

"EXACTLY!" Kirby said, horrified. "He will bind their souls to his, forcing them to make ham-and-cheese sandwiches for the rest of their lives!"

Samus smacked her head in frustration; although it was blocked by her helmet. "You can't get any farther from the truth than that. Can we get a REAL expert here?"

A wall was randomly blown up, revealing some random guy who had 2 heads. "I know this man. He is the one who promised the end of my world through a dreaded disease."

Everyone remained silent.

"Okay, it wasn't my world, but it was another monk's world. In case you are wonderin how I know, all monks know each other. Through the **M**ortal's **O**mitted and **N**eglected **K**ey **E**xperts from **Y**onkers."

"Wait," Eddy said. "So your organization is 'MONKEY?'" **[3]**

Peach pondered the random Monk's words from before. "He never sent any disease here."

"He didn't have to." The Monk replied. "He already had enough power to summon those construct beings you all fought."

"And what's he doing now?" Eddy asked.

"He's working for a greater evil. He's already done this before, although 2nd time's the charm for him, I guess." He assumed. "But right now, Kirby is right. He's indeed doing a ritual at this moment, and the Smashers' souls will be bound to his, and they will be forced to make ham-and-cheese sandwiches for his gigantic army of constructs."

"Sounds gruesome." Eddy said.

"Not really. He just tosses them into a demonic fire then takes their soul and puts it inside a construct made out of steel and magic for proper utility when preparing sandwiches."

"..."

"Oh..."

Double D sighed. "Well, how can we save them?"

The monk nodded. "The only way to save them is to defeat this man before he completes his ritual. And the only way to kill him, is to lock his soul into a Summoning Stone."

"What's that?" Ed questioned.

The monk handed Double D an artifact. It was shaped like an inch-thick rock disc, with a Red Gemstone in the middle. "Knock him into his own fire, then bind his soul into this stone."

"So you want us to barge unarmed into a heavily-guarded fortress, fight past hundreds of bound spirits inside mystical constructs, throw a man who has infinite power and sharp swords into a demonic firepit and trap his spirit into a rock?" Eddy asked.

"Uhh... yeah."

"Hmmkay." Eddy shrugged. "By the way, what's this guy's name anyway?"

"Shiro the Betrayer."

"Thank you." Double D said. "We appreciate your help."

Ed poked Double D's head. "What about the fancy people and marshmallow?"

"They will need to seek shelter." Double D replied. "We cannot risk more lives."

The monk laughed. "Do not worry. I know a sanctum that not even Shiro could ever find out of."

"Lead the way." Samus said. "By the way, where's Kirby?"

The 7 looked around. "He was here a second ago..." Captain Falcon recalled.

Ed burped loudly, picking his teeth with a dirty toothpick. "Marshmallowy."

"Did he-"

"Yes, he ate Kirby."

"Ed!" Double D shouted. "Spit out that creature right now!"

Ed pouted, then barfed up the puffball.

"I feel violated!" Kirby cried. "Never before have I ever gone through the indecency of being eaten by an ogre such as this hooligan!"

"Stop whining and let's move!" Captain Falcon grabbed Kirby like a football and ran off, later smashing him to the ground, attempting to do a touchdown.

The monk sighed. "I'll get the smashers to safety. You just go on with your mission." He said.

"Right!" Ed said. He grabbed his fellow Eds, and moonjumped into the air dramatically.

**[1]: In all honesty, I never realized I named my OC Sarah until now.**

**[2]: Awesome cookie to whoever figures what the heck Marth said**

**[3]: Abbreviations are fun, aren't they?**

**What will be in store for our heroes? Will they save the world? Will the whole "Ask a bunch of obvious questions" conclusion ever get old? Find out, in the next chapter of "Trouble in Authorsville!"**


	5. Ed's Song

**Unnamed OC: Need anotha chapta here!**

**Unimportant OC: POOT CHAPTER HERE**

**Unoriginal OC: Somebody wanna rassle up a chapter here?**

***gets out of bed* LEAVE ME ALONE! (explodes the above 3 OCs)**

**Ed: But we _need _a new chapter! The paparazzi will eat us if you don't distract them with a chapter! LOOK! They already got Double D!**

**Double D: *gets mauled by millions of fangirls***

**uuuuuuggghhh... fine... (-.-)**

**Chapter 5: Ed's Song**

Eddy crawled on his hands an knees to avoid being spotted. He and the other Eds hid behind the bushes in the backyard of the Smash Mansion. "We need to get past those guards." He whispered, pointing to 2 constructs. They were shaped like humans, minus the face, arms, and adding levitating swords and a helmet.

"We could always fight them ourselves." Double D suggested. "You must remember that we have been able to survive against the Kankers over 23 times."

Eddy thought for a moment. "I wonder where they've been. I haven't seen them in almost a month."

**Meanwhile, in a remote village in Russia**

Lee walked out of the building with her sisters, covered in swiss cheese. "I think we made the wrong turn at Iceland..."

**Back at Smashville**

Ed randomly used his super powers to defeat the constructs.

"STAND, YOU GROUND!" Ed yelled dramatically.

Patches of the ground then turned into warriors, made out of dirt, concrete, and wood.

The two constructs exchanged glances. Out of pure intimidation, they imploded, making a sound similar to a crossbow being fired.

"Poof." Ed said simply.

Double D came out of his hiding place. "Well, I guess we must carry on, gentlemen."

The three Eds then walked into the mansion. They used their ninja-like reflexes and steath abilities to sneak past guards, infiltrate their plans, and discover Shiro's secret weakness.

However, this is what _really _happened:

Ed tripped over a rock, then landed on an alarm button.

Suddenly, thousands of constructs surrounded the Ed-boys.

"Ah crepe..." Eddy said. For those of you who do not know, Crepe is a thin, French Pancake. But, onto the story.

Ed randomly had an idea. "WAIT!"

The constructs armed their swords, hammers, guns, bows, and other weapons.

Ed grabbed a random microphone.

**Insignificant OC: Look out! Here comes another Sing-song up ahead! *gets blasted by the author***

Ed put a giant snail on top of his head, and prepared to sing.

The song started slowly, with Jimmy (for some reason) playing a piano in the background.

**Look's like its my turn,  
To sing us a song  
But I haven't sung one,  
In so, so, so, long**

**I don't know what a pitch is,  
Nor a melody.  
I can't play notes  
Heck, I can't even count past three.**

**I have a song sheet,  
Its called "Show me the Bling"  
So tell me what, I should do  
If I want to sing?**

Soon, the song sped up as Eddy started to play guitar, and Kevin (for some reason) started to play drums. Double D was playing Ed's destroyed Violin that he rebuilt with a technological device.

**So please, teach me to sing**  
**I gotta guitar, oh the irony**  
**I wanna hear, the ring**  
**Of our voices in harmony**

**I want to learn, how to play the flute**  
**But I cannot play, even for my niece**  
**I wanna make, music too**  
**So will you please,**

**Teach me to sing?**

The song slightly slowed, continuing with a steady, soft tune...

**It's been so long**  
**Since I played the drums**  
**It's been a while**  
**Since I had some fun**

**I wanna play,**  
**More than air guitars**  
**I try with real ones**  
**But don't get far.**

**Playing the instruments**  
**Of sweet noises and tunes**  
**Oh, magic song sheet,**  
**Why can't I play you?**

Once again, the song sped up.

**So please, teach me to sing**  
**I gotta guitar, oh the irony**  
**I wanna hear, the ring**  
**Of our voices in harmony**

**I want to learn, how to play the flute**  
**But I cannot play, even for my niece**  
**I wanna make, music too**  
**So will you please,**

**Teach me to sing?**

Now heading toward the bridge, the song sped up again

**A string,  
E string,  
They're all the same to me**

**Acoustic  
Electric  
They're all the same to me**

**Kazoo  
Fuh-lute  
They're all the same to me**

**Song sheet  
Masterpiece  
They're all the same to me**

With a very brief pause, the music continued to play

**So please, teach me to sing**  
**I gotta guitar, oh the irony**  
**I wanna hear, the ring**  
**Of our voices in harmony**

**I want to learn, how to play the flute**  
**But I cannot play, even for my niece**  
**I wanna make, music too**  
**So will you please,**

**Teach me to sing?**

The song ended. But due to the sheer redundancy of the lyrics, all of the Shiro'ken exploded.

"Wait... what are they doing here?" Eddy said, pointing a finger at Kevin and Jimmy.a

Kevin and Jimmy exchanged glances. "Hmm... actually, I don't really kno-" The two then vanished into thin air.

The Ed boys exchanged awkward glances. "Uhh... moving on then?" Double D said, placing the violin into his hat.

**Yup. I did it again. I put another song into a story. Shoot me. *BANG!* Not literally! *COUNTER-BANG!***

**Unintelligent OC: Why me? *dead***

**Well, later.**


	6. Author's Note!

**Oh no! An Author's note!**

**Leo: That's not a good sign. It really isn't.**

**Melinda: No kidding.**

**Anthon: And since it has something to do with this story, that means it's gonna be VERY BAD!**

**Anyways, let's get onto the serious part.**

**Sarah: Aww...**

**You may have noticed this story hasn't been updated in a while. Currently, I'm heavily working on one of my other SSB fictions. For a short while, this story shall remain sleeping.**

**Anthon: NOOOOOO!**

**Anyways, when the next chapter is ready, it will replace this Author's note, so you won't see this piece of doggie doo in your next alert. Sorry for the extra-alert E-mail you get, for those of you who have this story on the alert section of their lists. Luckily, this time I bothered telling you guys.**

**Well, I think that's it. If you need me, I'm going to now run my OCs through vigorous training excercises.**

**Ryan: What?**

***whips* JUMP THROUGH THE FLAMING HOOPS OF FIRE! BWAHAHA!**


End file.
